Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and a few days ago I shared with you about a 31 Days Blogging Challenge For Mothers of Loss at Living A New Normal. She has a question to help you get started each day ... I'm a bit behind so thought I should catch up today

Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.

I assume if you made it this far to my blog, you probably know who I am and that I am a mom with 5 living blessings and 5 angel babies in heaven. I am married to my wonderful and adorable highschool sweet heart. I have no words to explain the love God placed in my life when he caused our hearts to fall in love as teenagers. I am a child of God, saved and redeemed. And I am also a daughter, a sister, a cousin, an auntie, and a friend. I hope that I am a sharer of Christ's love and His word; its something I am practicing day by day.

Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.

You can read a little about each of my 5 living blessings in the right hand side bar here on my blog. Our 5 angel babies are:

Liberty John
Due Date July 1st 2005
Angel Date Nov 15 2004

Elijah Lee
Due Date March 27 2008
Angel Date Sept 7 2007

Eden Sky
Due Date April 2011
Angel Date Aug 2010

Journey Peace
Due Date Nov 29 2011
Angel Date May 2011

Hope Elizabeth
Due Date May 1st 2012
Angel Date Aug 31, 2011

Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"
My husband

Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
God ... it was certainly not with in my human ability to keep going ... God is the only reason I am still going

Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they?
When I see rays of lighting streaming down from the clouds I can not help but imagine my babies (and others I know already in heaven) basking in the great light and glory of heaven. And there have been days when I have sat outside by myself and butterflies will come, it looks to me as if they are playing tag, chasing each other around. I imagine my babies in heaven enjoying playing together.

Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Depends on the situation. For several years I was quiet about our losses and the pain, but as I have reached out and become part of a community of mothers that have all walked this path of pregnancy and infant loss I have realized that its ok to let people know there are other children I hold dear in my heart. I may not have pictures of them, but we wanted them. We were excited to be pregnant and carrying them and we planned for them. Just because they never got to take a breath or rest in our arms, does not mean we want to forget them. I suppose I am more open about it these days than some people think I should be, but God brought me to this place where my love and grief intertwine and I know he cherishes every life ... no matter how short or how small, he loves all of my children.

Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
I remember each of their due dates and the dates we lost them (I call that their angel date). But I guess I do not have one certain thing I in honor or memory of them ... some years I have released balloons, some years I have attended memorial services in October in their memory. Sometimes I visit the cemetery. I hope in the future to donate memory boxes and information to hospitals and clinics ... items to help other moms who have to walk this path and grieve for the babies they love. While I am not sure I will announce in any way that those things are donated in memory of my babies, I will know that is the reason I do it.

Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
My answer to this would depend on the day you ask me. But today ... I can say yes, I am now having more good days than bad. But don't misunderstand me, there are certainly still bad days and moments of unexplained tears. Some how God has pulled me through and set my foot on solid ground again ... not perfect just solid enough that I can have good days.

Psalm 40:1-3

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.

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