Monday - Pumpkin Party at a local church

Sunday Fun

Zeke trying on his costume:

The farmers harvesting the fields beyond our back yard:


And my kiddos carving pumpkins:

Saturday In My Mailbox

I can't believe the ways in which I have been blessed by my friends in the baby loss community. I opened a package today and was tearfully touched and thankful that am part of a community that acknowledges and remembers with me the babies I love, but never got to hold.

Loving The Fall Colors I See

Thursday - Cookies

Mikayla head about the idea to back an Oreo cookie inside a chocolate chip cookie the other day ... ummm ... not so sure I am willing to eat that much sugar in one sitting.

Wednesday

I'll be honest ... I hate mornings ... really really would rather pull the covers back up over my head and go back to sleep, but at least this morning I was treated to a pretty pinkish/orangish sunrise

Dancing Baby

I know the pictures are not the best ... but it was so sweet that Mary wanted mama to dance with her instead of rock her. Yes, we were watching Dancing With The Stars; we were both so tired, but here we are enjoying the moment ... I love my little cuddle bug. Of course when I told her "I love you my little cuddle bug" ... she replied "mama, me not a bug ... my just Mary"

Are You Ok?
by Susan M Simpson


They ask if I'm ok,

Which answer would they like?

There's the one that they'll find easier,

Then there's the one that's right.



I could tell them that I'm coping,

That I'm moving on with life.

They'll smile sadly, nod, agree with me,

Not see my inner strife.



But inside my soul is screaming,

It heard that awful lie.

The truth they just don't want to hear,

This pain I have to hide.



My heart, it feels, is broken,

My spirit, that's gone too.

I sense there's no fight left in me,

That went when I lost you.



And this I cannot tell them

There's no words to explain,

And even if there were,

It would only cause them pain.



I can't pretend, I'm not that strong,

It only makes me cry,

Can't say the words to lie to them,

Don't even want to try.



I'm not 'ok' - will never be

Your life changed me, it's true

This sadness that I carry,

Is a mother's love for you.



So when they ask, I'll look at them,

Through eyes that burn with tears.

I won't deny my love for you,

With lies that quell their fears.



There are no words for me to say,

Instead I will just shrug.

And hope that it will be enough,

They'll leave with just a hug.



I know that if they try too hard,

Their words will just hurt more,

Though kindly-meant, they're meaningless

I fight this lonely war.



They'll say 'you'll have another one'

'Just try again', 'you're young'.

'Accept it wasn't meant to be',

'Get over it', 'move on'.



How could they ever understand

This sorrow that I hide,

Sadly, the only way

Is if they ever lost their child.



Other children I may bear,

And happiness might find,

That never will erase the love

For the child I left behind.



So please don't ask if I'm 'ok'

Don't try to comfort me,

The kindest thing to offer

Is a simple 'I'm sorry'.

Sunday Fun

App to make photo look like it was developed in 1950s:

App to make phoyo look like it was developed in 1960s:

App to make photo look it was developed in 1970s:

Another 1970s look:

And 1980s looks:




Trying to get a few fun ones of kiddos:

uh-oh ...

I'm starting to cough and feel rather ucky ... and based on the sick kid (who is bouncing back rather nicly thanks to antibiotics, inhaler and lots of sleep) who has been snuggling me all week I wonder how long till I might need the antibiotics, inhaler and sleep?

Speaking of my sick little Z man ... forgot to post these pictures from his appointment on Tues and since I would rather go back to bed than come up with anything else to post right now ... I'll post these pictures and then go take a nap

October morning hunt

My eldest son is off hunting deer with my dad. Here is a picture they sent from their early morning deer stand:

Yes, its my birthday, but ...

Its not shaping up to be the best one I've ever had ... long day ahead with a sick kid ... and need to do miles of running around and errands ... no birthday dinner, just a late afternoon Dr Appt. But my 16 year old did share a new country song with me the other night that I am playing over and over today ... it lends great perspective:



My favorite lyrics are:
We all got real still and quiet, And daddy asked "Honey, you alright?"
She said, "Dear, ain't nothing wrong, Noisy kids are happy kids,
And slamming doors just means we live, In a warm and loving home,
Your long hours and those dishes in the sink, Means a job and enough to eat.

So I'm gonna thank You Lord, For noisy children and slamming doors,
And clothes scattered all over the floor, My husband workin' all the time,
Draggin' in dead tired at night, My never ending messy kitchen



And if you read this today and feel like doing me a "birthday favor" I'm asking please, Please, PLEASE go read THIS blog entry by Families Need To Know. The author is a RN, her husband an ER doctor and their grandbaby was born still two years ago. I met her at the Still Birth Summit two weeks ago. We need more people to spread the message of the work these doctors are doing. Another site I encourage you to visit in Oct is HERE Or even better yet please read THIS BLOG POST and then share it with friends and family. Thank you!

Speakers from the Oct 15th Memorial ...

I know I posted pictures of the memorial on Sunday, but what I did not post was the pictures of our wonderful speakers:

Holly Haas:





Amanda Haas:




And my sweet friend Sherokee Ilse: