my view today

Not feeling very well today ... tired beyond belief ... rather dizzy too ... but we needed a few things so I drug my sorry self, in fuzzy pajama pants and sweatshirt to the grocery store. Mary wanted to hold my list ... but when I gave it to her she looked at me said "mama, i no can read this". So we made her, her own short list with pictures instead.

Sending Cards To The Troops

Our boys school has been collecting cards and candy to send to my friend Monty, he is an Army chaplain serving over seas. Today I picked up the box and was really happy to see it FULL! Its a small school, but we still managed to collect over a hundred cards and some yummy treats for the men and women serving our country who don't get to come home for Christmas this year.

Sometimes God answers prayes like this:

Be Still My Soul

I have a confession to make ... its been a very long and trying year ... oops, I guess you knew that part ... but I am feeling very convicted that I am having such a hard time feeling thankful this year. I guess its hard to combined grieving and thanksgiving. But the Lord calls us to be thankful in all circumstances

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
-1 Thessalonians 5:18

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.
- Psalm 7:17

So I am doing my best to move forward and make the conscious choice to voice and pray thankfulness and gratitude and I am learning from others around me that it is possible to give thanks no matter what circumstances we are in.

Would you please join me today in visiting and encouraging a sweet mama. Her name is Courtney and her baby it Tripp. Her life is hard right now, yet she shares her spirit of faith and trust and thanksgiving with the world in her latest post:

Prayers Please ...

I have been following a beautiful blog for a while ... they have just recenlty returned home from eastern Europe with their newly adopted nine year old daughter. And while they are once again home on U.S. soil, they are not quite home in their own home yet as she is so severely malnourished that she needed to go right from the airport to the hospital:

Yes, you read that correctly ... this sweet girl pictured here, snuggled in her mommy's lap is nine YEARS old. She is one of the fortunate ones to be rescued from the life she was living ... many more remain in the orphanages and they need our prayers ... they need our attention and our voices!

James 1:27 tells us "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Well, the world polluted many people in this little girl's country into believing that because she was born with a disability that she was worthless, that she should be shut away and nearly starved on the 4th floor of an orphanage. I guess the world did not realize that God himself had other ideas ... he has a plan and a purpose for this sweet life and her whole family! Their story is a beautiful one. Is it all flowers and roses? Is it always smooth sailing, of course not! But they are doing what God has called them to do and they are doing it in HIS timing ... that my friends is a beautiful beautiful story! Please join me in following their blog:

The Blessing Of Verity

a calm and quiet thanksgiving

In goes the bird:

Let the StarTribune Turkey Coloring Page begin!

And yes, I knew enough to go buy two papers,
so we would have two turkeys to color

(yes, we know ... most indoor pictures seen of Z are of him without a shirt. Its just the way it is with him, he gets itchy from his Masto, so its just more comfortable for him to be without)

Daddy and Rosebud "researching" the adds
in the paper and online ... because her schooling is getting to a
point that she needs her own laptop

Guess we should pay attention to
the other parts of our meal soon:

Allen and O and Z on smashed potato duty:

The smashed potatoes getting a little more smashing because one little girl felt very offended at being left out of the precess and cried that she never got a turn to smash potatoes (she never got a nap today and it is really starting to show)

Turkey almost done!

Everything on the table ... and me with my Coke!

Kids opening their favorite fuzzy grape juice



"Cheers!"



The reason our Princess was not in the last picture ...
she fell asleep waiting for the turkey to finish


And I am pretty sure this song sums up my thanksgiving thoughts:

So, what did you do on Thanksgiving Eve?

A shopping we will go ...

They saw Santa, threw pennies into a fountain, ate treats, bought some clothes and then doll stuff and then Legos. I guess thats a pretty good afternoon at the mall!

Cutie Pie Cousins

Today my sister and my niece took me and my girls to an antique shop and out for coffee ... the little girls were so cute in their coats and hats. My teenager was cute too, but really does not like to be in any pictures. So for today I honored that request and did not make her pose for any pictures.

SNOW!!!!

Well, we live in MN and it was bound to happen ... it snowed! Oh the excitement from my kids and their cousins. They had been gone all morning with their Papa. And after lunch, just as it started to snow, they decided to goto a movie:



But when the movie let out there was quite a bit more! So Papa brought them back to my house where we scrambled to find snow clothes and boots that fit everybody ... good thing we save the old stuff to pass down and that the cousins fall inbetween my kids current sizes:

Gifts of Love at the Cemetery

I had sometime all to myself today ... kids were all occupied and busy, so I thought I would take a few holiday things to the cemetery. Its an odd feeling being there ... looking around... so much love displayed in the wreaths and flowers and trinkets that people leave, especially on the "Babyland Hill" where our tiny Journey is buried.

As a mom with a baby in heaven you still have this strong desire to "mother", to care for, to DO something for your baby. I am sure to many people out there that seems so strange and odd. But honestly I think its natural ... its instinct ... and it hurts even more if/when we try to hide from it. I know people in my life question: why does she still go there? And why in the world does she take pictures there? And when will she get over this?

Well, I am learning something ... you never get over this ... I am forever changed. Like it or not, this is who I am. I know that Journey needs no actual parenting now. Heaven is a perfect place with the perfect parent ... but I am still here in a very NOT perfect place. I think for many many parents who wish they could have held and rocked and kissed their babies taking things to their baby's graves or creating memory shelves at home in their child's memory helps ease that aching ... I suppose its a difficult thing to understand, especially if you have never been there. I'm not sure I can put any more words to the idea. But I know that bringing flowers and a stuffed animal to Journey's grave and keeping his angel and candle and name on my shelf bring me healing and some sense of peace.

I pray as this season of holidays approaches that peace would surround us and we would be kind and gentle to those in our lives trying to figure out just how to celebrate when hearts are so broken.

I love little surprises in my mail box!

Its fun to have such a sweet secret sister. Things like this just make me smile!

A mother's prayer request ...

I read a prayer request today over on Andrea's blog from a few weeks ago ... I can relate so much to her words ... I don't know all her details but I certainly understand her words:

And a prayer request…

Momma’s been a little quiet over here–and just waiting on Him. And just wanted to ask those of you reading this far today if you would lift our family up in prayer as we seek and wait on Him in an unexpected direction right now. God’s plans are always perfect. His ways are always higher than our ways…although they don’t always make sense when we are in the midst of it. My heart is on a roller-coaster–and I am praying for His peace to come and rest completely over us as we trust and find our strength in Him. He is good all the time. I keep saying this over and over…some times we have to say truth to remind our hearts no matter what is before us. If you think about it–just pray that His will would be done in our lives no matter what. Thank you…

November 15th

Nov 15th 2004 was the day we learned that the baby I was pregnant with had died ... he or she was our first loss ... it was a very difficult time. We decided to name him/her (though I really believe she was a she) Liberty John. A friend made this beautiful picture for me in rememberance of Liberty:

Flowers! For me?

Sure do like having such a thoughtful secret sister!

From my dream

I ordered a simple little pebbled painted with a "vision" I have had several times over the years ...


Casey at TreasureBeans.com did a beautiful job painting what I described to her: My sister, Missy, in Heaven holding, loving and playing with my angel babies.

Veterans Day

I married a sailor back in the 1990s when our country was in "wartime". Certainly not the wartime my grandpas knew when they served, but still I said goodbye to my sweet husband just 3 short months after we married, as he left for a 3 month patrol. He would be home for several months and then gone for several months. No letters, no phone calls, no emails to submarines (an occasional mail drop IF they made a quick port call anywhere) ... so as families of submariners we learned to live without much communication ... we wondered where they were and if they were safe... and were over joyed at each homecoming. All those men proudly served their country and did their jobs to keep our country free. We were proud to be their families and we supported the job they did. I have always been very proud of my amazing hubby, proud of his service and just proud of the man he is. I am blessed!

I am glad that our boys attend a school where Veteran's Day is recognized with a special chapel service. The students each brought in pictures of the veterans they know and local veterans were invited to join us. Looking at the many pictures of the men and woman who served our country and are still serving our country made me wish I had more pictures to honor the veterans I know and love. So below is a collage of my pictures (of my grandpas, my father in law and my hubby) and then a few more internet images pulled together for a Veterans Day post.

11-11-11

All I want is to be delivering my baby today, spending the night recovering in a hospital bed and snuggling my newborn little boy ... but that will never happen ... he is waiting for me in heaven. I've found that so many in my life would expect that I should have "moved on", "gotten over this by now", and "stop dwelling on it." I've stopped trying to explain it to those who make comments like that. I have been blessed with support and understanding from other moms at organizations like:

Anchored By Hope

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Missing Grace Foundation

Babies Remembered

www.october15th.com

Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS)

Grieve Out Loud

Sufficient Grace Ministries

Thursday

Today, believe it or not, I am thankful for IKEA





My dear friend Beryl came up with this wonderful photo assignment idea for November. And since I am really having a tough time being thankful, or even content this time of year I thought I would give her assignment a try. She has titled this assignment A Lesson In Gratitude