Wordless Wednesday

This month I have been taking part in an online photography course, Illuminate. As part of this week's assignment we are to find a starting point, take 100 steps and then find something beautiful or inspiring to photograph. Depending on where you are this may not always be an easy assignment, but lucky for me we stopped by a local farm store to pick up fresh fruits and veggies today. Easy to be in spired by all the beauty that can be found here:










As fun and inspiring as it was to take pictures in the barn where she sells so many goodies ... it got even more inspiring outside where she has beautiful flowers ... and a few chickens:

Join us at 5 minutes for Mom, and then, she {snapped}, and Better in Bulk
for fun Wordless Wednesday Photos (or in my case, Full of Words Wednesday)

Medical answers

Often, moms who have suffered through repeated miscarriages will ask multitudes of questions and seek some answers ...

Why did this happen?
Is there something wrong with my uterus?
Is there something we could have done medically?
Did I do something I should not have done?
Will it happen again if I get pregnant again?

I am no different and I have asked those questions and many more of my doctor. We agreed to run several blood tests (ok, more like dozens)and possibly a hysteropingogram after my next cycle. I got a call today that the labs came back very good ... nothing showing up like genetic mutations, or clotting disorders. My thyroid, blood sugars and hemoglobin are within the normal ranges. We knew, from blood work during my pregnancies, that my progesterone was very low and this latest blood work shows my Vitamin D is almost non existent (even though I am on a vitamin D supplement). So I will need even more vitamin D and if/when we get pregnant again I will need progesterone supplements. We do know that I have 2 uteruses and 2 cervixes so the shape and anatomy of my uterus could be a factor in having had 4 miscarriages. This is why my doctor would like the hysteropingogram, it basically involves injecting dye into the uterus (or in my case both uteruses) and then taking several x-rays to see where the dye goes. It gives an idea of the shape and cavity of the uterus. Sounds less than enjoyable, right? I'm still up in the air as to whether or not we will do it, still waiting to hear if insurance will cover it, for one thing. And since my body has been able to hold 5 successful pregnancies in the last 15 years I'm not convinced its a necessary step. But I suppose the image of my unique didelphic uterus would be of interest to my OB doctor.

In our case I suspect we will find no definite medical answers. Could my uteruses be the cause ... yes, but I have had successful pregnancies before, as have other women with dipephic uteruses. Could my low progesterone be the cause ... yes, but I have never needed them in previous pregnancies. So now we wait upon God ... Continue to trust that he does indeed have a plan for our family. I meditate on scripture and breath daily prayers ... trying to bring my emotions along side what my head knows.

Left overs from July 4th

Yes we had some left over sparklers from July 4th ...
kids had some fun with them tonight:

GUS GUS



"O"



Z-MAN


PRINCESS being just like her big brothers

*Please note no children were harmed during the filming of this fire play ... and each child was advised that this kind of behavior is ONLY allowed in the presence and company of parental units and a hose with running water.*

Date Night!!!

I won tickets to a dinner and mini concert being hosted by a local radio station, in honor of the release of Dara Maclean's debut album. I won them on a day that I really needed something to be happy about. It was great to tell Allen when he got home from work that I figured out a way to have a date night for FREE! And this mini concert happened to be just days before our 18th wedding anniversary ... pretty cool! We really enjoyed hearing her sing in person and are just in love with her album!







The concert was held at Northwestern College in St Paul,MN They have a beautiful campus. We enjoyed walking around just the two of us for a while after the concert.

Suitcases

My Gus-Gus will be gone for the week with our church youth group on a service mission trip with TeenServe. I love the group he is going with and I know all will be fine ... but my mommy heart is saddened by each good-bye. I know how precious each moment together is and I don't want to waste any of the moments I have. Living through loss has taught me to treasure each moment ... because we never know when there will be no more moments.

But, the good Lord blessed me by what was played on the radio while we drove to church this morning:






I definitely have "baggage" I need to let go of and set down ... some of it from this journey of loss and some of it from long before I ever lost a baby. Its a work in progress, this learning how to let go ... how to move on. Actually I am a work in progress.

Stream of Consiousness Tuesday ???? Why Not?

Stream of Consciousness Sunday is hosted by Fadra at her blog all.things.fadra. The idea being 5 minutes of free writing ... no proof reading, no editing just write. If you want to join in take 5 minutes, start typing and just empty your brain. Then head over to all.things.fadra. and link up!



Last week I wrote about my sweet eldest daughter and how hard it was to get up early and say goodbye to her for a whole week. I'm happy to say she is now home and full of wonderful memories and stories of her week long mission trip. I love having her back home!

But today I dropped her brother off at the same church with the same youth pastor and this time a group of middle schoolers heading out on a service minded mission trip. His is only 5 days , but we will miss him and the fun he brings into daily life in our zoo - ummm - I mean our house.

Our Gus-Gus has a great sense of humor and works very hard at the things that he loves. I'm hoping he will love whatever jobs they give him this week. This is his first year going on a mission trip and I can't wait to hear what he thinks and his stories from this week at CampServe







The middle school mission trip (8 kids going from our church) is much smaller than the high school one was (28 kids went from our church). I think the smaller size will be nice for this group and I'm sure our youth pastor feels less stress with 8 kids vs. the 26 kids he was with last week.



Pictured here are the middle school boys going on the trip:



And then I had to insist on one last hug ... he cooperated pretty well:

I survived the 4th of July

Just just a quick note and picture to say that I survived the weekend and the 4th of July celebrations. Things actually went smoother and a bit easier than I expected ... I had a few tearful moments, but thankfully those were only in the presence of my wonderful kind and caring hubby. He takes such great care of me! Some days (most days) its hard to control if/when/where I will burst into tears. So going to events where I will need to be around lots of people makes me nervous. "What if I have a melt down moment?" goes through my mind. I try to imagine how I will escape all the people or how I'll explain, but that usually just makes me more nervous. I'm glad that in the end I didn't have to worry about it this time. I'm glad my kids had fun with their cousins and grandparents. I'm glad my dad had a good birthday party.