Cutie Pie Cousins

Today my sister and my niece took me and my girls to an antique shop and out for coffee ... the little girls were so cute in their coats and hats. My teenager was cute too, but really does not like to be in any pictures. So for today I honored that request and did not make her pose for any pictures.

SNOW!!!!

Well, we live in MN and it was bound to happen ... it snowed! Oh the excitement from my kids and their cousins. They had been gone all morning with their Papa. And after lunch, just as it started to snow, they decided to goto a movie:



But when the movie let out there was quite a bit more! So Papa brought them back to my house where we scrambled to find snow clothes and boots that fit everybody ... good thing we save the old stuff to pass down and that the cousins fall inbetween my kids current sizes:

Gifts of Love at the Cemetery

I had sometime all to myself today ... kids were all occupied and busy, so I thought I would take a few holiday things to the cemetery. Its an odd feeling being there ... looking around... so much love displayed in the wreaths and flowers and trinkets that people leave, especially on the "Babyland Hill" where our tiny Journey is buried.

As a mom with a baby in heaven you still have this strong desire to "mother", to care for, to DO something for your baby. I am sure to many people out there that seems so strange and odd. But honestly I think its natural ... its instinct ... and it hurts even more if/when we try to hide from it. I know people in my life question: why does she still go there? And why in the world does she take pictures there? And when will she get over this?

Well, I am learning something ... you never get over this ... I am forever changed. Like it or not, this is who I am. I know that Journey needs no actual parenting now. Heaven is a perfect place with the perfect parent ... but I am still here in a very NOT perfect place. I think for many many parents who wish they could have held and rocked and kissed their babies taking things to their baby's graves or creating memory shelves at home in their child's memory helps ease that aching ... I suppose its a difficult thing to understand, especially if you have never been there. I'm not sure I can put any more words to the idea. But I know that bringing flowers and a stuffed animal to Journey's grave and keeping his angel and candle and name on my shelf bring me healing and some sense of peace.

I pray as this season of holidays approaches that peace would surround us and we would be kind and gentle to those in our lives trying to figure out just how to celebrate when hearts are so broken.

I love little surprises in my mail box!

Its fun to have such a sweet secret sister. Things like this just make me smile!